Smoke Up Johnny!

It’s October 1981 and I could use a cigarette. There would be just enough time before bus 49 arrived at the junction of Sunset and Kingwood Drive for me to walk down to Jerry's Market and buy a pack of Marlboro Lights and some baseball cards. I could light up on the walk back and deeply inhale the black death into my 15 year old lungs. When my high school freshman year had begun in 1981 the older smokers at the bus stop had made fun of me because I was only puffing and holding the smoke in my mouth, but now I was a fully fledged member of the teenage nicotine lung ring. My old comic book geek friends from my Mitchell-Neilson Elementary days who rode the bus would only stare in horror and shake their heads when I reached for my lighter.

It would be easy enough now to state I started smoking in order to look cool and be more adult, and this suffices to a point. There was also the need for acceptance with the sort of older teens that could make your life a living hell if you weren't in their good graces. I wanted to be, yearned to be one of those sulky long haired boys huddled with their girlfriend in the smoking area of the school grabbing a quick puff between classes. There was the exulting aura of rebellion (it never smelled smokier) that firing up a cigarette imparted. Unless you thought too hard about it and then all of my adult relatives came into view smoking their cigarettes and they didn't seem much like rebels. Looked at this way lighting up was just as contradictory a state as being 15. The reason I kept smoking for years was simple. The nicotine rush had hooked me.

I was telling somebody the other day that I used to smoke and they didn't believe me. It's true I protested. Even though I can't stand the smell I still crave cigarettes. Pleasure synapses fire up in anticipation just by my writing this post. I smoked from 1981 until the mid 1990's. A recitation of brands would go like this:

pilfered Merit's from my mother who was just about to quit smoking when I started

Marlboro Lights which was the consistent brand I would return back time and time again

Camels which I would buy out of the cigarette machine at the fire hall in front of Mitchell-Neilson where they were ridiculously cheap – funny how easy it was to just sneak in there back then

More's the long cigar like cigarettes

Vantage

Newport menthols which made me sick at the Tom Petty show in 1985

Carltons which were like smoking paper (I was trying to quit)

Lucky Strikes when they came back

Pall Mall

Benson & Hedges

and finally several years of smoking clove cigarettes

The new smokeless zone we all live in is nice in some ways. I like not smelling like smoke after dining out. It is undoubtedly a healthier place. Yet it is also a less free world in which we live. I still remember when the smoking ban hit M.T.S.U. and my major adviser at the time Dr. Frederick Crawford was denied his pleasure of smoking his pipe in the halls between classes. He raved about it to his Western Civilization class I was taking as this ban was not due to a governmental wide edict, but due to one student complaining. This was followed up by an outburst about the Chinese which had something to do with why he risked his life in the Korean War only to end up in a country where a gentleman couldn’t smoke his pipe.

The governmental edict was coming and soon the adult world resembled my high school years with the grown up’s crouched together furtively grabbing a smoke outside before going inside. They didn’t look cool. They just looked sad and addicted. I quit for good in the middle of the Nineties. I did like my mother and just stopped. I still miss the nicotine sensation even if all of the glamour and mystical cool was always false. The truth is the main reason why I smoked was because isn’t a cigarette the most marvelous prop.

Five Ways To Recognize A Punk Poseur

I found this in one of my old notebooks dating circa 1984.

1. They wear clip on safety pins.

2. They tell you their favorite album by The Clash is the one with Joe Strummer smashing his guitar on the cover.

3. They buy their punk rock shirts pre-ripped.

4. They own an Emerson, Lake, & Palmer record.

5. Look in the mirror.

Woodstock In Tennessee

Twenty five years ago give or take a day I attended Woodstock. It wasn’t in the state of New York. It was upon a hill in Percy Warner Park at the Iroquois Steeplechase. The older readers of this blog or as I call them now, my peers, understand what I mean. The Iroquois Steeplechase used to be this anarchic event with just a handful of seats for the ladies wearing hats and their escorts while the unwashed masses commanded the hillside dubbed Woodstock by frat boys and girls, the triumphantly hip and tragically hip, stoners, punks, hippies, horse lovers, and my friend DD Blank who had suggested we go.

The sunshine was bright. The grass was green. The port-a-potties were white and blue. The hill was alive with the sound of partying and puking. Women in bikini tops carrying beer and booze would be staggering later. It was in a word: freakinglorious. As long as I could avoid the shirtless frat boy gorillas I figured I’d have a great time. DD staked out a place where we could see most of the race track. I wasn’t even thinking about the races. My only experience with steeplechasing was from seeing Tatum O’Neal in International Velvet.

DD spotted one of our Riverdale classmates, Chaney, wandering around dressed as usual in her finest preppie fashion. As the afternoon went on we made up a game called Spot Chaney. It became somewhat thrilling to find her and mark her perambulations among the crowd. I’m sure you’ve sussed out that I hadn’t been able to score any liquor so we were missing out on what some felt was the quintessential part of the event.

I will admit that even mastery of the Spot Chaney game brought fewer and fewer psychic rewards, but one could get a contact high just from being around the entire mass of drunk and stoned hillside revelers. The main excitement though was, oddly enough, the very reason for the event: the horse racing. You could see almost the entire course from the hill back then, before the evil white stands multiplied like sycophantic servant mushrooms in years to come to blot out the view.

I picked every horse based on their name and the more literary the name the better. There was a horse named Ozymandias that ran that day. I don’t remember if the horse won. Details are lost over twenty five years time, but I can still feel the energy and hear the sound of the hoof beats. Then there was the absence of the hoof beats as they leaped over the steeples replaced by the swelling song of the wasted hillside. All of us debauched kings and queens for the day.

The day ended and I caught sight of a blond girl wearing a camouflage shirt, black skirt, and combat boots. Now it wasn’t as if I had a Gene Simmons “Christine Sixteen” moment – you know the line in the song where Gene says he “had to have her” – but I did think she was cute and most punk rock stylish. I just admired her from afar as DD and I went back to his car.

Some quick off road driving and we were out ahead of the post race traffic jam. Then we saw her, the girl I would later dub the “Iroquois dream girl of space and time”, riding past us in the shotgun seat of her girl friend’s car. It was my camouflage vision. We chased after them and they saw us pursuing them so they backed off laughing and we passed by them. I urged DD on as I yelled out the window at the girls. We weaved in and out along Harding in an acceleration of exuberance.

We knew it was silliness. It was the kind of pursuit that would have been ruined if we had actually pulled over to the side of the road and introduced ourselves properly. I also had a late shift at McDonalds to get to that night. So we lost the girls when they finally turned in the opposite direction we were going. I would muse upon the missed possibilities that night as my sunburned skin tingled and sizzled like the hamburgers on the grill.

We went the next couple of years to the Iroquois Steeplechase. It had become a traditional event. We even got to play Spot Chaney again, but I didn’t see any blondes wearing combat boots. DD wasn’t around in 1988 so I went with Bruno who was covering the event for the Nashville Banner. So I hung out in the press tent with all of the free food and booze, but I missed the hill. I looked out of the tent and noticed Woodstock was shrinking. There were more and more stands. I went one last time in 1989. The stands had multiplied so much you couldn’t see much of the track from the hillside. The partying had also been curtailed with security clamping down on coolers full of alcohol. The entrance fee (while for a good cause) left me broke and the event now just "a shattered visage."

Mirror DisAppearances

I look into a mirror today and I'm not sure of the reflection. I am in process. I am on some path that doesn't go backwards even though I can look over my shoulder and catch fleeting glimpses of what used to appear in the mirror. There is a sun bleached full head of blonde hair with a tanned face in a Panama City hotel in 1990. The soundtrack for that trip was The Buzzcocks - "You Say You Don't Love Me" and "I Believe" on a low budget fake Walkman while the waves washed ashore. I was getting over a girl. It seemed like I was always getting over a girl. There is a Polaroid snapped of me in front of the bathroom mirror as I got ready for work at McDonalds in 1985. I was eighteen, maybe 3/4 boy and 1/4 man. I'm blow drying my hair which would smell of hamburger grease when I got back home. The soundtrack was buzzers, sizzling, and the crack of frozen patties on the edge of the grill to separate them. 

"No Elvis, no Beatles, no Rolling Stones in 1977" I was part of the Minutemen that summer. The Minutemen was one of the teams in a fledgling softball league called the Jimmy Carter Softball League sponsored by the Moose Lodge. We didn't have real uniforms. Just a t-shirt with a moose head and a cap that we picked up at Agee's Sporting Goods back when it was still located just off the Murfreesboro square. The Minutemen cap had a white mesh back with a big white M on the solid maroon colored front. I wore that cap everywhere. It's in almost all of the photos taken of me that summer. The thing I remember most about the cap is seeing it reflected back atop my head in the passenger side mirror of my father's Ford Ranger. I would lean over in the seat just to see the mirror. The scenery passed by as a shadow while I stared back at myself. Solid. I was not in process.

Cobwebs & Strange

Don't consider this a comeback. Just consider this the beginning of the renovation. I'm going to dust off the cobwebs, but keep the strange. I'll be updating my sidebar links and giving the blog a much needed appearance change. The most important part is that I will be posting regularly again.

Alex Chilton

Just a few words on Alex Chilton's passing away. I loved his youthful energy and soulful voice with The Box Tops. I loved his lost years in the Seventies making trash pop anti-masterpieces such as Like Flies For Sherbet. I enjoyed his cover songs and white boy blues efforts of the Eighties. The reconstituted Big Star with Andy Stephens and Posies Stringfellow and Auer put on magical shows. Of course, above all, it was the work done by Alex with the original Big Star that has touched my heart and been there for me in some of my most trying times and happiest times that I will remember and cherish. Godspeed Alex. Hope you and Chris Bell are jamming somewhere out of time.

V & A

One of my favorite museums, Victoria & ALbert, has a dynamite online database which will suffice until I can back to London again.

Random Baseball Link

Here's an awesome unexplained disappearing baseball story featuring the greatness of Joe "Tarzan" Wallis. I was hipped to this through the ever epiphanous Cardboard Gods. If you like thoughtful writing and baseball cards, be sure and pay Josh a visit there. More Joe Wallis stuff here.

A Wonderful Night For A Moondance

So we didn't go to the moon - judge the proof for yourself.

Count Chocula And Rabbit Ears - A Journey Through A Saturday of 1974 Television With Wally

Remember when the networks would run a prime time special previewing all of the kids shows they would be airing in the upcoming tv season. Magic, just pure magic.

Let's go back to a Saturday in 1974 and see what I would have watched that day.

6:30AM: I've probably already been up an hour. I may have even watched the Agriculture Report on WSM. Finally something decent comes on: Lassie. It's the one with Tommy Rettig. I never saw any of the other versions. This show was awesome with someone always falling into a well or getting lost or being threatened by an ax murderer.

7:00AM: I never watched Hair Bear Bunch. Lidsville was a Sid & Marty Krofft show and I usually always tuned into those, but instead it was Bugs Bunny for me. Maybe I was just too lazy to get up and change the channel this early in the morning.

7:30AM: By now, it was time since I loathed Yogi Bear. I suppose I'm just not a bear guy. It was either Addams Family or Mister Rogers. I liked both shows so it would depend on my mood.

8:00AM: I'd go to the kitchen and make myself a bowl of Count Chocula or Cocoa Puffs and then settle down for an hour of Scooby Doo Movies. It's weird that this ran on Channel 5 and Super Friends on Channel 2. They would switch networks at some later date and I always think of Scooby being ABC and Super Friends being CBS.

9:00AM: Sigmund and the Sea Monsters ruled the air at this time. It's hard to figure the appeal of this Johnny Whittaker Krofft show now, but I sure loved it when I was 7.

9:30AM: A group of teenagers solving mysteries with their dog. No, I wasn't watching Scooby again, it was Goober and The Ghost Chasers. Hard to call it a complete ripoff when it was also produced by Hanna-Barbara.

10:00AM: Speed Buggy time. I just loved that sputtering hunk of junk.

10:30AM: Josie and the Pussycats rock and rolled another half hour of my life away.

11:00AM: More Hanna-Barbara, but this time it was a choice between Pebbles and Bam Bam or The Jetsons. Most of the time I made the right decision and watched Elroy and kin.

11:30AM: The finest moment of the morning: Fat Albert was the absolute best with visions of the big city, soul music, and a clubhouse in the city dump. How could it not be the most stellar thing on this schedule?

12:00PM: Children's Film Festival with Kukla, Fran, and Ollie delivered excellent viewing over the years with offbeat foreign entries and tearjerkers like Hand In Hand.

1:00PM: I'd get my mother to make me a hamburger or I'd grab a cheese sandwich and sit down to watch the major league baseball game of the week with Joe Garagiola and Tony Kubek. I doubt that I ever made it through a complete game. I'd get bored and run outside to play my own baseball game.

2:30PM: If I actually came back inside it was time for ABC's Wide World Of Sports. It didn't matter what sport it was I'd watch it.

4:00PM: My mother would take over the airwaves so it was Jim Ed Brown or nothing.

4:30PM: The Wilburn Brothers continued the country music assault.

5:00PM: Here's one of the country music shows I liked: Porter Wagoner would stride in with his big red boots and his Nudie suits to entertain along with Speck Rhodes and Dolly.

5:30PM: More country music with that Ole Nashville Music. I barely paid attention to it, but I did figure out it was broadcast from the Grand Ole Opry House.

6:00PM: It was time for the revered Hee Haw. I enjoyed it for the cute girls, corny jokes, and that flaky newscaster dude.

7:00PM: No control over the set at this point so usually it would be All In The Family. That wasn't the family I wanted to see. I would want to watch The Partridge Family and sometimes I would get to do this.

7:30PM: It would be M*A*S*H unless there was a good movie on NBC or ABC.

8:00PM: Mary Tyler Moore in all of her perky glory would be on and I would probably be just coming inside if I had been outside playing.

8:30PM: Bob Newhart which I didn’t understand at all. It was just another in those apartment type sitcoms that adults seemed to find so interesting.

9:00PM: If we weren’t watching a cool movie like Planet Of The Apes or any of the James Bond flicks I’d get to watch Barnaby Jones with my mother. I probably still hadn’t wrapped my 7 year old mind around Buddy Ebsen not being Jed Clampett, but I still dug this show. It had lots of action and the gorgeous Lee Meriwhether.

10:00PM: Local news – usually Channel 5. And yes I would still be up since it was summer and Saturday.

10:30PM: Besides if I fell asleep I would miss watching two shows I loved – Sir Cecil Creape’s Creature Feature on Channel 4 and Championship Wrestling on Channel 2. This is how it went: I would watch Sir Cecil’s entrance and introduction of the movie and then I would flip stations to WNGE to watch professional wrestling. So I’d have the implied blood and gore with Sir Cecil Creape and the probably real blood of Tommy Rich and Jackie Fargo. I’d fall asleep on the couch and somehow always wake up in my bed on Sunday morning.

Getting Jolly

I went to school with John Jolly and I am one of his Facebook friends. I also have received a similar phone call to the one featured in this Youtube clip posted by one of John's other Facebook friends, some dude named Grinning Hester. In fact, John made sure I knew about the Youtube clip. What can one say? I don't believe the Grinning Hester dude is making fun of John, but you can draw your own conclusions. My own opinion of John? He's larger than life - a living legend. Enjoy:

Which Came First...The Chilton Or The Ono

I think it's fascinating that Alex Chilton borrowed the piano riff from "Mrs. Lennon" for "Holocaust."

Beatles Remasters

This should be the only review of the remastered Beatles albums you'll need: Chuck Klosterman is such a kidder...or is he?