Flailing

Deepak Chopra was on Conan last night saying one should not think of the past or the future but only of now, because that is all we all. The present. But Ken Kesey taught me there is no present. We are all just merely watching a movie in our minds. Always a synapse firing away from actual now. Be here now is a logical impossibility.

My current mood to all of this is to go full on Monty Python "taunt you a second time" mode. I am currently without a job. Due to my back the only work I can obtain would be office related. I know I should be patient. My skills and experience should land me somewhere soon, but that evil genius Tom Petty was right about the "waiting being the hardest part" even if we was referring to love and not career. To think Clive Davis picked Dwight Twilley over Tom.

I am just flailing right now. All of my close friends live far away. I am mentally and physically wasting away in Smithville. The small town atmosphere was okay when all of my children were small, but I feel like my brain cells aren't merely dying. They are escaping through my skull screaming through the atmosphere before imploding.

Perhaps it's not just locale and lack of a job though. Perhaps I'm on the verge of a full fledged middle aged morbid breakdown. Hair falling out. Fat piling on. Friends I knew back in the day dropping like flies too. Perhaps there is nothing new under the sun and this part of my life is the same normality most people never let on to having. All I know is I have to got to get it together.