Call Me Lightning versus Family Circle magazine

I know it’s not right for me to be bored. Usually I’m not – having three young children at home makes boredom rare. I’ve also got satellite TV, hundreds of books, thousands of records and CD’s, a home computer that’s rocking Windows 95 with a Pentium 2 processor (anyone for a game of minesweeper?), and several guitars and a four track recorder gathering dust. I’m blessed with things to do, projects that need to be finished (do you want to hear about my unfinished novel…I thought not), and a house that could always use some cleaning somewhere. But there I was last Sunday afternoon bored out of my skull. My two daughters were visiting their grandparents and my wife was taking a nap along with our baby boy. Here was my chance to do just about anything and like a spoiled teenager I sat stewing in my own jaded emotions with just nothing to do.

I didn’t want to get up from the easy chair so I looked on our small marble side table next to the chair for some literature. I was out of luck in the literature department, but there was a Family Circle magazine that had been picked up at the grocery store the day before. The front cover proclaimed it contained all kinds of information about losing weight, yet a photo of a huge plate of fudge brownies also graced the front. This dichotomy was almost intriguing enough for me to open the magazine, but I held off. Maybe boredom was preferable. Then I happened to remember the huge stack of CD’s that I needed to review. So it was that Call Me Lightning became the band that would challenge Family Circle magazine.

Call Me Lightning hail from the cheesy goodness of Wisconsin and they play a muscular post-punk sort of rock taking cues from such groups like the Minutemen and Fugazi. It’s good enough to get them a record deal with Revelation Records who’ve released their latest album, The Trouble We’re In. The cover art is nifty with big giant rats marauding through some Middle Ages skyline while a giant squid’s tentacles emerge from a tumultuous sea. There’s more cool art awaiting those who purchase the disc; I especially like the dolphins bursting out some guy’s mid-section. It looked like Call Me Lightning was winning the battle for my attention easily, but what will the actual music do for me.

“We Be Dragons” leads off The Trouble We’re In with guitar licks that would feel at home on any fIREHOSE release, but that’s just a momentary lull before the group kicks into the Fugazi watusi beat and the singer starts screaming. “Ghosts In The Mirror” heads to the bridge with videogame noises and no Gameboy in site and the sudden shifts to falsetto on the vocals recall the excitable D.C. legends Nation of Ulysses. Any initial trepidation I may have felt before listening to the record is starting to fade once the third song, “Asses To Ashes” cops a feel for the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. But a few songs later the Family Circle is starting to look tempting. Maybe it’s the chopped and blocked nature of the music. It’s all sharp sides, unemotional, and cut and dried except for the vocals.

Family Circle’s tips on how to remove clutter are more intriguing and interesting. All of the advice on women’s health isn’t very useful to me personally – I thought the magazine was about the family and not just for ladies. There’s an article on walking, but it looks more like they just want people to buy some walking vest that’s loaded down with weights. There are some sentimental quotes and inane advice that would only work in some perfect world laboratory setting throughout the magazine. I think I want my boredom back. Luckily Call Me Lightning were only messing me because the album soon grabs my attention again with an intro that recalls a late Nineties chart sensation.

“Horseflies” begins with a riff reminiscent of “Lump” and hearing something so close to the music of a song that was so annoying I ended up liking it makes me spring up out of the easy chair, amble over to the stereo and make like Freedom Rock – you know…crank it up. Some splashed of dub brighten the water of “Rotten River” in what passes for their version of a ballad. The wife and baby wake up soon after the album ends so I’m assured of entertainment the rest of the evening.

So Call Me Lightning's The Trouble We're In was the big winner in my fight the boredom sweepstakes. Their music did get grating halfway through, but they showed enough pop smarts to pull away to victory. As for Family Circle magazine, I think I’ll donate it to a friend who can use it for their pet parrot’s birdcage.